Ramblings of a frustrated golfer

Annual General Meeting (involving alcohol)

2012-01-30T05:02:00.000-08:00

You will all be glad to hear that the AGM went ahead last Thursday and a good time was had by all. I have included a list of the issues we discussed and I would welcome your input on anything , but mostly on points 1,3,4 & 5.

Matters discussed:

Mark Bailey has proposed to pay for two Wallasey School students to attend one of the events this season, with the long term aim that the society funds such a venture. Unfortunately, red tape may make this idea difficult to implement but there is a compromise available. Wallasey School students participate in an annual Wirral schools golf tournament at Royal Liverpool and Mark could pay their entry fee (£10 per player) for the 2012 event, with the WSGS footing the bill thereafter.
The list of fixtures for 2012 are as follows:

· 16^th February @ Frodsham GC (Tour Event)

· 24^th March @ Clays GC (Tour Event)

· 4^th April TBA (Tour Event)

· 11^th May @ Eastham Lodge GC (Tour Event)

· 6^th June @ Pryors Hayes GC (Summer Scramble)

· 29^th June @ Aldersey Green (Match Play)

· 24^th July @ Wirral Ladies GC (Moretonian Trophy)

· 29^th August @ Walton Hall (Tour Event)

· 30^th September TBA (Tour Event)

· 24^th October @ Wirral Ladies (Tour Finale)

If the extra dates are put in, the ‘Race to Wirral Ladies’ can now be the 4 best scores from the Tour Events, with the score to be added from the Tour Finale. There will still be a birdie competition run throughout the Tour Events and two team matches (Moretonian and Scramble), with possibly the 29th June becoming an 'Old v Young' match play event.
Handicaps of all golfers without an official one will be re-calculated using CONGU rules. Members may wish to consider a temporary penalty for one event to be imposed on the previous winner.
Membership fees to be kept at £12 with a £5 surcharge to be added for any non-member playing any event. Fees to continue to be used for prizes, keeping event costs down and possibly to go towards purchase of WSGS polo shirts.
The Blog and Facebook to be used for match reports and information. Email intended as a reminder service.

There are some photos that I have too and I will put them on Facebook. Until then, I await your responses with baited breath!

The Frustrated Golfer

The right of reply

2011-12-12T12:30:00.000-08:00

For reasons I may share with you in a future post, I have been unable to enter the blogosphere lately. It is only fair then, that the first one after this hiatus is given to Matthew Walton, to enable him to respond to allegations made in September. Over to you Matt:

Hope all is well. Having recently read the Wallasey School Golf Society blog, I am fully aware that Mr. Matthew Smith was recently crowned the 2011 WSGS Champion. I would, therefore, like to congratulate him on such a wonderful achievement, an achievement that will, undoubtedly, remain in the history books for many many years to come.

I am writing, however, to draw your attention to an incident which occurred last week in the HSBC Champions event in Shanghai.

Firstly, I would like to take this opportunity to remind you of the comments you personally made on Thursday 15 September 2011 at 14:06. Indeed, on the WSGS blog, it was reported that I would be unable to attend the finale of the WSGS calendar at Wirral Ladies and questioned whether my decision to holiday (with the missus) at such a crucial time of the year would lead to the end of my WSGS career. In addition, however, you also asked some extremely important and pertinent questions with regard to the future of both amateur and professional golf…

“But does this represent the thin end of the wedge for competitive golf? What's next? Will Luke Donald have to miss The Masters because he is grounded? Or will Lee Westwood be unable to go and practice until he has finished the dusting? Only time will tell…”

As I said above, I am writing to draw your attention to an incident which occurred last week in the HSBC Champions event in Shanghai. Indeed, it was reported on Saturday 29 September 2011 (http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/golf/15503728.stm) that World Number One Luke Donald would miss the HSBC Champions event in Shanghai to be with his wife Diane for the birth of their second child. Although Donald was said to have ‘reluctantly’ made the decision, he added that “It’s important to make sure that I’m around to support my wife. The birth of my first daughter inspired me to some really great golf. Family does put a lot of things into perspective; my job is very important, but the family out-trumps everything.”

It would appear, therefore, that Luke Donald was, in fact, GROUNDED! While it would be foolhardy of me to suggest that we should publicly humiliate Mr. Donald on our WSGS blog (after all, I recall yourself missing an early event in the WSGS calendar for a similar situation), I do feel that fellow members should be made aware of the latest developments. Of course, I am not asking to be compared with the World Number One (not at all), but maybe updating fellow members of the society with last weeks events may go some way to providing a rationale and justification for me lying around the pool drinking Corona all day on what was surely the most important day of my golfing career. It’s just a thought…

I would like to add that I ‘reluctantly’ made the decision to miss the finale at Wirral Ladies and, as I am sure you can appreciate, “It’s important to make sure that I’m around to support my missus. Previous holidays have inspired me to some really great golf. Family (I suppose that does include the missus) does put a lot of things into perspective; my WSGS career is very important, but the family (and I suppose the missus on occasions) out-trumps everything.”

I hope, after reading this email, The Frustrated (and tearful) Golfer will not only be laughing, but ready to welcome me back into the WSGS for a curry and a few more Corona’s on Thursday 1 December 2011.

I look forward to reading your latest ‘blog update’ shortly…

Kind Regards,

Matt

The Frustrated Golfer would like to add that this message was repeated in its entirety, without any editing. Matt did it all on his own and they were all his ideas.

The champion is crowned!

2011-10-28T05:42:00.000-07:00


2011 WSGS Champion golfer - Matthew Smith

What a day, what a contest and what a lovely jacket the champion gets to wear! Congratulations to Matt for securing the title with a win at Wirral Ladies but also congratulations and thanks to everyone for making the final event such a rip-roaring success.

18 golfers took part in the tour finale which is the most it has ever been in my tenure as custodian of the WSGS. The weather could only be described as perfect and the course was in superb condition so it was no surprise that the scoring was good. The vast majority of the field returned stableford scores in the 30s and it was only extremely bad bounces that kept Gary Docherty, Joe Torpey, Graham Hulbert, Geoff Bull and Peter Coleburn in the high 20's.

Blue sky thinking

In the end, the final three ball proved to be the most successful both on the day and in the overall 'Race'. Alan Woodworth collected a nearest the pin and third place overall; James Griffiths came second on the day, was joint second overall, won a nearest the pin, got a 2 and won the birdie competition (greedy); and of course Matt Smith won on the day and was crowned as the champion.

However, there were some other winners and good performances. Jon Booth overcame the handicap of his Val Doonican jumper to win the longest drive on the 10th, Matt Pennington hit a monstrous drive on the 14th to collect the second long drive prize and Roger Warbrick joined James Grifffiths as a proud member of the 2s club (Joe Torpey should have had a 2 also but for a disgusting lip out on the 17th).

The winners circle

There was also an avalanche of birdies from Simon Verry (x2), James Griffiths, Matt Smith, Barry Ezra (x2), Geoff Bull, Roger Warbrick, Jon Cartledge and Jeremy Davies. What a talented bunch!

There was also a special award given at Wirral Ladies when Mark Bailey (see below) was formally inducted as the founder member of the WSGS Hall of Fame. Mark attended the very first event in 2008 at Pennant Park and has been a regular participant ever since. This is despite the fact that Mark has struggled with his game and has often turned up knowing he was going to have a tough time on the course. This embodies the ethos of the WSGS that we are as much about the taking part and camaraderie as the golf itself. Well done, Mark.

The only thing left to do is to thank all participants again and to remind everyone that we have a social event on the horizon, in late November/early December, so keep an eye on your email.

The Frustrated Golfer

The final countdown

2011-10-24T12:42:00.000-07:00

With only one more sleep to go, 18 golfers will be full of nervous anticipation. The final few confirmed their attendance last week and are named below, for your pleasure.

Gary Docherty, Simon Verry and Tony Sanderson were all cut to the quick by suggestions that they had lost their bottle, in a previous post on this blog. However, I am delighted to say that all three gentleman put aside any anger they had and have now signed up for the October extravaganza.

I am also delighted to announce that Graham Hulbert will be in attendance after a long absence through injury. I am not claiming any credit for Graham's recovery but it was through employing Jon Cartledge's knee surgeon (mentioned on this blog), that finally got Mr Hulbert back on his feet. God bless, Professor Yaffel!

The final players to join the party are all friends of Mark Bailey and Jon Booth. Peter Coleburn, Paul Smith, Geoff Bull and Roger Warbrick learnt their golf on the mean streets of Blacon and are battle hardened competitors. They are all welcome and the WSGS wishes them all the very best of luck.

The only thing left to do is to publish the order of play, which you can see below. Players are going out in reverse order according to where they stand in 'The Race'.

Group 1

P. Coleburn, G Bull, P.Smith

Group 2

J.Davies, R.Warbrick, M.Bailey

Group 3

M.Pennington, S.Verry, G.Hulbert

Group 4

J.Cartledge, G.Docherty, J.Booth

Group 5

T.Sanderson, B.Ezra, J.Torpey

Group 6

A.Woodworth, J.Griffiths, M.Smith

Good luck everyone!

The Frustrated Golfer

Injury scare for leader in Race to Wiral Ladies

2011-10-11T05:00:00.000-07:00

It is my duty to inform the world that Matthew Smith (pictured) has got a sore finger and is claiming that he may not be able to play golf in 330 hours time.
The injury was sustained in school when he tried to lift a particularly heavy box of paper clips but they slipped from his grasp.
Further news will be shared as I get it.

The Frustrated Golfer

Excuses, excuses

2011-10-09T13:10:00.000-07:00

A number of the society are otherwise engaged for the season finale and are allowed to be absent (not you Mr Walton). However, there are a few who are hiding behind rather flimsy excuses and I thought I would share them with you.

Chris Torpey
You may not realise that Chris edits a music magazine and I believe he has a very important gig to attend on the 25th. Erasure are starting a comeback tour in Liverpool and, along with his brother Patrick, Chris will be there to see if they as good as they were in the 80s.

Andy Gorman
As his DJ career is starting to take off, Andy is hosting a bit of a 'live lounge' in New Bold during half term. Josh Wink, Eric Prydz, Ray Von and Tony Blackburn have already signed up, with more to follow in the coming days. Andy has promised to record a set for us though, to listen to while we have our meal. Isnt that nice of him!

Tony Sanderson
Tony probably does not even know we are playing because it has not been mentioned on the wireless yet. However, as we are starting at 11 o'clock, word will have reached Tony by carrier pigeon in time for him to play.

Simon Verry
Simon had already pencilled in a session with (uncle) Rob Hughes on the day of the game. To be fair, an in-depth analysis of why high ability boys who have a packed lunch and use a black biro arrive (on average) two minutes earlier to school than anyone else, is a perfctly valid way to spend your day.

Gary Docherty
As a new home owner, Gary has not been able to put in the required practice to be able to play in October. Decisions over whether to chip or putt have been replaced by the angst over cream or egyptian cotton, and if it should be tiles or carpet.

Andy Moorcroft
Unfortunately for the WSGS, Andy is a very important and popular person, and has a lot of demands on his time. As he is on first name terms with John Bishop, Peter Crouch and Jamie Carragher, Andy (or 'mate' as he is known) cant commit to the golf. What a shame.

Brian Owen
For one of our winners this season (at Old Padeswood), its unfortunate that family committments have taken priority over the golf. Brian did phone to tell me that 'when our Clive comes home for a visit, he expects everyone to be there'.

Steven Noone
Poor old Ste has suffered a recurrence of an old injury, and is struggling to be fit for Wirral Ladies. He mysteriously sustained a torn stomach muscle during the summer when listening to Andy Gorman's latest mix, and it keeps re-tearing. Hopefully this problem will settle down in the next few weeks, leaving Ste fit to play.

Carolyn Marchbank
Representing Caldy Ladies scratch team and winning board competitions have stopped Carolyn from playing at all this year. Unfortunately for us, Carolyn has already agreed to play in the 'Undies' trophy at Caldy on the day of our game, so will be unable to attend. Good luck, Carolyn!

Matt Bebb
As well as training for the Liverpool marathon, Matt has been dedicating himself to his Philosophy research recently. When half term comes, Matt will be delivering a series of lectures entitled 'Sinning is sometimes OK' to Hope Universitys Dance, Drama and Cheerleading students.

The Frustrated Golfer

More players for Tour Championship

2011-09-26T14:46:00.000-07:00

The field is beginning to take shape now as four more players today declared themselves available for the 25th October.

For Veteran WSGS member Joe Torpey (see above), victory in the Tour Championship would mark the end of a long and difficult career. Since turning his back on the church (15 years as an altar boy), Joe struggled to find a new passion in his life. That was until he was bought his first half set of Sam Snead irons. Now sponsored by Graham Tonge, Joe has put his reverse pivot behind him, learnt to ignore the 'Nutty Proffesor' jibes and put himself into 6th place in the Order of Merit. Only time will tell if God will be on Joe's side on the 25th October.

Man about town and the original Sultan of Swing Faults, Mark Algernon Bailey (above), will also be gracing the Wirral Ladies fairways for the season finale. Fresh from his crushing victory over Chris Torpey in the Moretonian Trophy, Mark has been working hard on fine tuning his swing. Poetry in motion is a phrase not often used about a golf swing and it wont be used in this case either. However when you think of Ted Hughes' literary creation, the Iron Man, you will have a good insight into the dynamics of Mark's swing. A debut victory is not beyond 'The Sultan' particularly off his dangerous handicap of 28 so watch this space.

With Matt Walton not being allowed to play, one of our other Matts has been installed as the firm favourite to become club champion of 2011. Matt Smith (above) is 16 points clear of his nearest rivals and, barring a dramatic collapse, should have done enough to lift the title. However, a recent article by Terry Nutkins in Monkey News has cast doubt on Matt's claim to be a human. If there is any evidence of 'chimp like' tendencies, Matt may find himself in breach of RSPCA regulations and have to resign from the WSGS. Society members can rest assured that the matter will be resolved well before the final event.

Finally, I am delighted to announce that Jon Cartledge (centre of picture) is climbing off the treatment table just in time to defend his title. WSGS members may not know that Jon underwent ground-breaking knee surgery over the summer to rectify a chronic cartilage problem. Professor Yaffle (who performed the 12 hour operation) spoke to the WSGS about the complexities of the procedure, 'this patients knee was so bad, a cartilage donor was required but Jon's body kept rejecting human tissue. So I had to use the ligaments from an adult Mallard and his body accepted this readily'. I would like to say that no ducks were harmed in the process but that would be a lie. However I have included a picture of the donor (Donald) below in his final few days of life. Jon has made a speedy recovery and is suffering no ill effects, just dont wave any stale bread around near him.

The Frustrated Golfer

Confirmed for Wirral Ladies

2011-09-24T05:56:00.000-07:00

I am delighted to announce the first confirmed acts for Wirral Ladies on 25th October as Barry Ezra and James Griffiths (see above). Barry is currently 7th on the Order of Merit and James is 4th and has a chance of claiming the title.
Barry has had a long and illustrious career on the golf course, made all the more remarkable when you consider he took the game up late. Most people don't know this but as a young man, Barry spent most of his spare time perfecting his escapology skills and performing them live on stage. Barry, or The Mysterious Basualdo as he was known, rubbed shoulders with greats like Danny La Rue, The Great Suprendo and The Krankies as he plied his trade on the nightclub circuit. Unfortunately, an unsavoury incident at the Floral Pavillion where a volunteer from the audience was accidentally garrotted, brought Barry's promising career to an end. However, entertainments loss was certainly golfs gain as Barry can now point to two Moretonian Trophy victories as evidence of an equally successful career on the fairways.
James has only just begun his golf career and, as a consequence, he is still a bit rubbish. He took up golf when he realised that staying in a cave all day and playing on the computer was not good for your long term health. James does have his lapses though and he can sometimes respond to a comment of 'good shot' with a deluge of C++. That said, now that his handicap is more reflective of his ability, James has had a good season in 2011 and may just finish it off in style.

The Frustrated Golfer

The demise of a promising talent

2011-09-15T14:06:00.000-07:00

It is with great sadness that I must report on the possible end of Matt Walton's (pictured above) WSGS career. It was an emotional young man who phoned me this afternoon to announce that he could not play in either of the remaining games in the WSGS calendar. Fighting back the tears, Matt admitted that 'I need to get my priorities right and going away with the missus has got to come first'.

It is worth noting at this point that Matt is currently leading the Order of Merit and also the Birdie count which just makes this whole situation even more harrowing.
As sad as it is for Matt, no single golfer is bigger than the society and the next events will simply have to take place without him.
But does this represent the thin end of the wedge for competitive golf? What's next? Will Luke Donald have to miss The Masters because he is grounded? Or will Lee Westwood be unable to go and practice until he has finished the dusting?
Only time will tell but for now, I hope you will all spare a moment and remember Matt in your prayers this week.
Thanks for everything, skipper.

The Frustrated (and tearful) Golfer

Caption competition

2011-09-12T13:13:00.000-07:00

An interesting image has just arrived in my inbox, concerning one of our WSGS stalwarts (see below). I need some assistance in coming up with a caption to accompany the image and a prize is on offer for the best one! This is a free to enter competition and you simply need to write your caption in the comment box below.
The winner will be announced at our season finale on the 25th October.

The Frustrated Golfer

Summer Scramble at Pryors Hayes, 30th August 2011

2011-09-12T12:54:00.000-07:00

After the tense and competitive nature of the Moretonian the members of the WSGS had an enjoyable and relaxed day of golf ahead of them in the delightful surrounds of Pryors Hayes. A weekend of bad weather beforehand had threatened the state of the course, but it was in excellent condition again, as the players found while getting their eyes in on the practice putting green (see photo).

The four teams mulled over late changes to the rules over bacon butties, before settling on a fair system where each member of the 3-men groups had to use four of their drives on the par 4 and 5s. Even last year’s runaway winning captain Matt ‘Bandito’ Pennington agreed to these rules, so all was well in the camp. Though shorn of their usual inspirational leader – WSGS Secretary Joe Torpey was away in Hollywood as stand-in for Tom Hanks on the set of his new film (Philadelphia 2: Light AND Spreadable) – the group were put at ease with the calm and decisive nature of his deputy Chris Torpey. Lovely hair too.

Lastminute.com (see photo) got things off and running, consisting of Alan Woodworth, Chris Torpey and newcomer Kevin Doogan, who ran away with the second of the closest to the pin comps with a glorious shot on 14. Steady and safe, they finished with a gross score of 70, and a nett score of 61.

Barry Ezra’s Shades Of Grey were out next, using all their years of experience to card a round of ?? (?? gross). Favoured a novel approach down the last, all three players placing their second shots in the greenside bunker from a spot on the lip of a fairway bunker. They weren’t the only team who struggled with the 18^th’s two tier green either, but all seemed to enjoy the round (see photo).

Then came Matt Pennington’s Federales team, replete with bandanas and muskets as they looked to romp to another victory for banditry. No, in all seriousness, The Federales were worthy winners of this year’s event, carding a gross score of 63 which came in at 56 after taking off their group handicap. A round littered with attacking play that yielded lots of birdies, the team also had room to throw in a bogey as well, such was their mastery of the course in this format. Rich Jones’ prowess off the tee was a big help (well, he does play off 9 at Wirral Ladies), but it was captain Penno who took the double honours with his closest the pin effort on the 7^th. Lastminute.com thought they had it sewn up as first out - Alan Woodworth’s effort the pick of the bunch – especially as they saw the following group fail to hit the green. But the Bandito Chief came to the fore and scooped the prize. Congratulations gents!

Bailey’s Rejects/Sultans Of Swing Errors were out last, and again posted a very competitive score of 65 (75 gross). Team members John Booth, Paul Coleburn and Paul Smith were happy with their efforts, and had encouraging things to say about the Texas Scramble format. “It’s nice to have three cracks at every shot, I wish it could always be like that!”

All of the players enjoyed the course, and hoped to return to Pryors Hayes soon over the course of coming WSGS events. All players also extended their best wishes to Matt Smith, who was sitting at home worrying about the loss of his wedge at the Moretonian. “It can be a very distressing time,” said society veteran John Booth. “He just needs to get back playing as soon as possible. It happened to me once: after the original shock wore off I got back out there, and just played all my chips with a garden hoe. I got quite good in the end too. In fact, I still keep it in my bag in case of emergencies.” Wise words.

Thanks to all those who played, and well done again to the winners. Til next time Gadget…

The Frustrated Golfers brother

Moretonian Trophy 2011

2011-09-03T14:05:00.000-07:00

It had been two years since the Trophy had been contested so there was naturally a lot of tension and excitement as the players arrived at Wirral Ladies on the 25th July, in the year of Our Lord 2011. Luckily the weather was spot on and no rain was going to spoil our fun this time. This year, the captains had to contend with sending their teams out in the morning and afternoon and also pairing people together for Foursomes matches, both for the first time.
The morning session was a forgettable one for the Inmates as only Joe Torpey and Martin Cloke won and the Outsiders cleaned up in the other three matches. However, everyone returned to the club house for lunch in high spirits and Foursomes was given the thumbs up. Well, maybe not by Alan Woodworth who was put in a particularly nasty spot by his partner, Matt Pennington (see below)!

Mention must also go to the Outsiders team of Chris Torpey and Steve 'No Fear' Bibby who almost gave Mark Bailey and Mick Robinson a dog license, but settled instead for a more modest 6&5 winning margin.
After refueling on soup and sandwiches (see below) captains Verry and Moorcroft sent their charges out to fend for themselves in 7 singles matches. The Outsiders were joined at this point by Jon Booth as Steve Bibby had to go home to catch Cash in the Attic.

The singles matches threw up a few interesting contests. Matt Pennington had a chance to get revenge on Martin Cloke, as did Mark Bailey on Chris Torpey. The two captains were paired together again as odd numbers had forced them to play singles in the morning session. Joe Torpey and Barry Ezra also locked horns once more in a replay of their closely fought match in the 2009 event.

You may detect from the cut of Mark Bailey's jib in the photo that he did indeed exact his revenge on Chris Torpey, and contributed one to the three and half point total for the Inmates. In the other matches, Matt Smith and Simon Verry also won for the Inmates while the Outsider winners were Barry Ezra, Matt Walton and Jon Booth. The remaining match between Martin Cloke and Matt Pennington ended up a keenly contested draw. So, with the afternoon finishing up at 3 and a half each, the final result was an outright win for the Outsiders and a retention of the Moretonian Trophy.
All that was left for the players to do was to head into the clubhouse for the final phase of the day - dinner and medals. We were joined at this point by Deputy Head and all round good egg, Rob Hughes, who had kindly offered to present the trophy.

A veritable feast was then served up by the excellent staff at Wirral Ladies and even the Inmates found a bit of a silver lining to this black day (see below).

Once the plates had been licked clean, the Trophy was presented to winning captain Andy Moorcroft (no photo available) and both teams moved outside for the obligatory photos (see below).

And so the dusk settled and the players wended their way home, thinking about the 'if onlys' and 'what ifs' and some 'what the f**ks', but safe in the knowledge that they would all live to fight another day.

The Frustrated Golfer

The first of many!

2011-08-16T01:54:00.000-07:00

Wirral Ladies GC - 'home course' of WSGS

Greetings one and all! Well, I am hoping it's an 'all' rather than a 'one' otherwise this is a bit of a waste of time.
Welcome to the 'online match reporting and general chit chat' division of the WSGS. This blog is simply intended to share some observations (and photos) of our golf days in a totally neutral and non-partisan way(!).
We also invite your comments but please enjoy this responsibly!

The Frustrated Golfer

Other frustrated golfers